What If Artemis Was Forced To Play A Sport?
by HogoshaOtaku
Summary: The title says it all! Takes place after Miles and Beckett were born. No pairings! One Shot! Number 3 in the 'What If' series.


**Disclaimer: I dun own Arty Fowl!!!!!! Or Harry Potter, cuz there is an HP reference in there…**

**What If Artemis Was Forced To Play A Sport…?**

**Number 3 in the What If series, next will probably be Death Note again!!**

**FYI, the What If series is just a bunch of oneshots from random series...if any of you have a good idea for one, let me know in a review!!**

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Artemis walked out of the rancid locker room. He was still inquiring to why he was there at all; its not like he could actually PLAY a sport. But his Father wanted him to, so he did. Butler had been very supportive, for he thought it would be good for Artemis to get some exercise. But when they informed Holly…

-Flashback-

_Artemis had just finished his unwilling confession to Holly that he would be playing basketball that year. Artemis and Butler waited patiently, allowing the words to sink in. She continued to stare, unmoving, until she suddenly collapsed to the ground in a fit of uncontrollable and rather embarrassing giggles._

"_A-Arty?! Play b-b-basketball?! A sport? Ahahahahahahaha!!"_

_Artemis then knew he would definitely play and prove to his doubting friend that he could._

-End Flashback-

But now Artemis wasn't so sure that he could prove much of anything except that Holly was right. After a month of practice, all he accomplished was getting hit with the ball and keeping the bench warm. On top of that, today was their first game and his entire family, including Holly and Julius (and Foaly, thanks to the iris cam), were coming to watch him make a complete fool of himself. Myles and Beckett would never look up to him as a role model…Artemis looked down at himself. The baggy orange and black jersey and gym shorts did **not **compliment his figure, or color.

"Ugh," he muttered, most likely the most uncharacteristic thing he'd said in his entire life. "I look ghastly, I can't go out like this…" he heard the yells and chants of the everyday citizens coming from the gymnasium. The rest of his team was beginning to exit the locker room, so the coach rounded up all the players to give a speech. Apparently, this speech was supposed to 'pump them up', as the coach had so simply put it. Though the rest of the team was intently listening, Artemis found more entertainment in watching an ant make its way across the filthy school floor than to listen to the words of a grown man only a fourth as smart as him, and who also was sending Artemis to his misery.

"'Kay, lets kick some Bobcat butt!!" the coach said, ending his speech. Then, everyone put their hand in the middle of a circle ("More of an irregular polygon," Artemis had once pointed out, much to the un-amusement of his coach) and all yelled, 'One, two, three, GO FIGHTING FAIRIES!!!!' (Very gay-ly, Artemis tough to himself). They then headed to out to the basketball court.

As he walked into the gymnasium, Artemis saw two fuzzy hazes in the far corner of the room, and a loud voice yelling 'GO ARTEMIS!!' that sounded a lot like Holly's. Of course though, the loudest voices he heard were coming from the bleachers. His family. Of course they stood out the most, no one else would be that excited to cheer for the infamous and stoical Fowl. Butler stood quietly and rigidly on the sidelines with a little smile on his face.

Finally, the time to play was up. It was the first time Artemis was truly nervous, mostly due to the fact that his excelled brainpower would not help him with this humiliating situation. It required physical power, the one thing he didn't have.

Soon they were in the game, and the only thing he did was sit on the bench. But when the one team member with greasy hair (some referred to him as Snivellus) was hit in the head and knocked out cold, Artemis was forced to step in the ferocious, unknown territory called the gym floor. Throughout the next 10 minutes, he had done nothing except dodge the blood-thirsty players. The insane and violent way they fought for a ridiculous ball confounded him, and frankly held no appeal to Artemis. But he also noticed his parents' disappointed faces over the way he just stood there, watching everyone else. So he decided to run along-side the players, to at least look like he was trying.

Which did absolutely nothing except get him knocked onto his face a few times. As Artemis picked himself up for the third time he could fell himself blushing when suddenly the ball was being thrown at his face. He did the first thing that came to mind, which was to put his hands in front of his face in protection. But coincidently, the ball landed right into his unsuspecting hands. His eyes flew open in shock, then before he had time to react, one of the bulky bobcat players reached out violently and shoved him aside, knocking it from his hands.

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The whole time Butler had been watching from the sidelines with a grimace on his face.

_How could Artemis be so bad…?_

He knew better than to interfere.

But when Artemis started running with the players, he inwardly groaned. Then Artemis caught the ball, and he could hear Artemis Senior cheering.

_Don't screw this up, Artemis. _He thought, almost as a prayer.

At that moment, an opposing member went to grab the ball and shove Artemis to the floor. Immediately, Butler's defensive instinct took over. Years of training allowed him to have pulled out his Sig Sauer, run over to Artemis, and point the gun at the bobcat before the ref could even blow the whistle to signal a foul.

Artemis sat on the floor, staring up at Butler, who was staring down at the bobcat, who was staring back. Everyone and everything had stopped moving. Butler, of course, was the first to break that silence.

"Give master Artemis the ball, now."

The kid paled and complied. So then Artemis got up and stood there, staring at the ball in his hands, which felt strange and out-of-place.

"Take it to the basket." Butler told him. Artemis turned around and started walking (major traveling…) towards the hoop. All the players began yelling angrily, along with the crowd. (Except the Fowls and the fuzzy hazes, who were cheering.) All of the idiots tried to take the ball from Artemis, until Butler came up and cleared a perfect path down the court with his favorite gun. The crowd, (minus the Fowls) of course, was in total protest. When Artemis reached the basket, he simply looked up at it.

"Help me get it in, Butler." He said. Butler stowed away the gun in his jacket and lifted Artemis so he was level with the basket.

"I believe this is called a slam dunk," Artemis said knowledgably, before dropping the ball in the basket. The Fighting Fairies side of the crowd went wild, while the bobcats were loudly ranting. The refs and scorekeepers gathered together in the middle of the field, trying to decide whether that counted or not. But after an 'If-Looks-Could-Kill-You-Would-So-Be-Dead-Right-Now' glare from butler, they all immediately agreed that it was perfectly fair, even adding extra points for style. But as everything calmed down, all our favorite villain could do was blush. Because the entire time that fiasco had been taking place, he heard the sound of our two favorite fairies laughing their heads off in the corner.

_I definitely proved her right. _

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The Harry Potter thing was the Snivellus nickname, for those of you who didn't catch that.

Aloha!! This is like, the longest What If you are ever gonna see!! *is exhausted* Anyway, I hope you liked it!! I don't play sports, so I hoped all the basketball stuff sounded okay…So, please tell me if you liked it!! Sorry that it was kinda fail ^-^ but all my What Ifs are. XD

**Until Funnier and Just Flat-Out Better Stuff,**

**HogoshaOtaku**


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